something new

i have decided to try something new. after reading my sister-in-laws blogs, i thought this would be a good way to get some things figured out in my head. the past 3 years have been a life changing experience for me. divorced after 20 years, trying to be a mother my girls will be proud of and always come to for guidance, working full time, and can't forget, "dating". that in itself is very daunting. there are days in which i have no idea how i will manage to put one foot in front of the other. friends will ask me constantly if i want to talk to the point i want to scream..."leave me alone"! i know they are only trying to help, but i have 2 voices chatting away in my head. one telling me how i can't possibly be alone, i 'have' to find that special person in order to survive, my friends only want the 411 so that they can be the first to gossip, etc. the second voice is telling me i am a strong, independent woman who can and will make it in this scary world despite the nay-sayers, i am beautiful, i am a good mother-sister-friend, i'm honest, hardworking, etc. so why is it i am constantly beating myself up over things that i know i could control? i'm a giver and always have been. mainly because i always felt that if i give enough and please enough people i'd be accepted. sad analogy and one that sets me up for let downs every time. someone once told me to take the word "need" out of my vocabulary. i don't "need" anything, either i want it or i don't. so my focus and goal is to become that strong woman who i can be proud of...then see how life is.